Los Angeles, Sep 26 : Hollywood actress Gwyneth Paltrow has opened up about what she really felt when she took home an Oscar at the age of 26. In a new interview, the Pepper Potts depicter in 'Iron Man' says her mind was "f***ed up" by winning the Best Actress award, reports aceshowbiz.com. Gwyneth, named Best Actress for her role in 1998's 'Shakespeare in Love', made the admission as she discussed her family and her upcoming 50th birthday. During an interview on CBS about getting the award, she said: "It's crazy when I think about that now. At the time I thought I was, like, a full adult, you know?" When correspondent Tracy Smith asked, "what do you think that did to your mind?" the actress laughed, "f**king it up!" The actress went on to say: "You know, to reach that kind of, like, the pinnacle at that age and have that much scrutiny and attention, and then it's like, no matter what you do after that, you can't really win, right? It's like you have a few years of it's, like, nothing's gonna live up to that. It's just a lot to hold." When asked when she decided to focus on wellness, which led to Gwyneth setting up her Goop firm, she said: "I'll tell you exactly, when my father got cancer. And I was helping him one day feeding him with a syringe and feeding tube. And it struck me, like, 'What is in this can that I'm injecting directly into his stomach?' And it was the first time I made a connection between food (and) wellness. I'll never forget that moment." The actress' father Bruce Paltrow died aged 58 in 2002 from complications of oral cancer and pneumonia. She said about approaching her 50th birthday on September 27: "As a woman, you turn 50 and maybe we all give ourselves permission to be exactly who we are. And we stop trying to be what other people are expecting us to be, and you kind of exhale into this other thing." Mum-of-two, who shares daughter Apple, 18, and son Moses, 16, with her 45-year-old Coldplay frontman former husband Chris Martin, from whom she split in 2016 before marrying 51-year-old TV producer Brad Falchuk, said in an essay posted on Goop last week about heading for the milestone age she was accepting her "loosening skin" and wrinkles. /IANS