Mumbai, Nov 9 : Actress Emily Ratajkowski has admitted she 'hated' herself for what happened when she was just 14, saying that she had sex with the person who she identified only as 16-year-old "Owen", when she was too drunk to refuse. She wrote in her new book 'My Body': "I wish someone had explained to me that I owed him nothing. Why did my 15-year-old self not scream at the top of her lungs? Who had taught me not to scream? I hated myself...I didn't tell anyone what had happened that weekend with Owen. This is what you do. This is the beginning of how you forget." Ratajkowski admitted she isn't the only woman she knows whose first sexual experiences "border on non-consensual", reports femalefirst.co.uk. She reflected to The Sunday Times magazine: "That was non-consensual sex. I was so young. I hadn't even had sex before. So many young women I know, their first early sexual experiences border on non-consensual." The 30-year-old star, who has seven-month-old son Sylvester with husband Sebastian Bear-McClard, felt conflicted over her looks when she was a teenager, recalling being sent home from a school dance when she was 13 after her outfit was deemed "too sexy" and being warned by family members, including her father, to be careful of her body and the clothes she wore. Ratajkowski said: "It was complicated for me. In many ways having my midriff show at school felt like defiance. Like nobody was going to tell me how to dress. That is definitely what my mom felt. 'My daughter shouldn't be ashamed of her body, it should be celebrated and maybe she should even try to work it and see what she can get out of life by exploring that opportunity'." "But I got so many mixed signals. I had boys at school letting me know they thought I was hot, while also feeling deeply ashamed because I was making adults feel uncomfortable." /IANS